Douchebag of the Week

Saxby Chambliss. We've been expecting you.

In today's Senate Armed Services committee hearing, Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) defended rape and sexual assault that occurs in the military, saying: "The young folks coming in to each of your services are anywhere from 17 to 22 or 23. Gee-whiz, the hormone level created by nature sets in place the possibility for these types of things to occur. So, we've got to be very careful on our side."

Yep, because people are physically attracted to each other, sexual assault and rape is "natural." So what are all those whiny rape "victims" complaining about?

If that's true (it's not), then perhaps Saxby should follow his "reasoning" to it's logical conclusion and reconsider the wisdom of allowing heterosexuals to serve in the military.

Douchebag of the Week

An open letter.

Senator Brian Nieves
201 W Capitol Ave., Rm. 423
Jefferson City, MO 65101

Dear Senator Nieves,

I think you should know that it appears a petulant 12-year-old has hacked your e-mail and is engaging in angry, bizarre e-mail exchanges with your constituents.

I read the exchange you -- or, more likely, someone who hacked your account -- had with Bart Cohn, who, I don't need to remind you, is a former city councilman from Wildwood. I immediately noted the immature nature of the messages sent from your account. I mean, threatening a constituent with a "he/she started it" e-mail archive? Clearly this isn't the kind of thing an adult would send to another adult, but the account does have your name on it, so I felt you should know about it.

Another clue was the use of capitalization and exclamation points to amplify the assertions made in the original message. Hilarious? Sure, but clearly not something that was written by an elected official. I mean, it reminds me of a "WAKE UP white people!!!!!" flyer the KKK once left on my windshield.

And who else but a pubescent, perhaps confused, pre-teen would feel the need to announce his heterosexuality to strangers? Or to anyone, for that matter?

Right?

The apparent hacker completes the e-mail exchange by actually insulting Mr. Cohn's appearance. Imagine, the person who wrote these messages actually took the time, at nearly 1 a.m., to Google Mr. Cohn, found a picture and insulted the man's beard. A schoolyard-level insult -- unsophisticated, petty and pathetic. Obviously, this is not the way you would spend your constituents' tax dollars.

So I wanted to bring this matter to your attention because you come across looking like a real douchebag, and I am sure would you want to contact Mr. Cohn right away and apologize.

Luckily, you have his e-mail address.

You're welcome,

Dr. S

Team Douchebag

Your starting five: Team rape (cue the music)



At guard, from Missouri, U.S. Rep. and senate candidate Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin!
At the other guard, Indiana state treasurer and state senate candidate Richard "God Intended Rape to Happen" Moooour-dock!
At forward, from Iowa, U.S. Rep. Steve "Statutory Rape" King!
At forward, from Pennsylvania, senate candidate Tom "Rape = Out-of-wedlock Pregnancy" Smith!
And at center, from Wisconsin, state Rep. Roger "Rape so Easy" Rivard!

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UPDATE: It wasn't a good night for Team Douchebag last night, as Akin, Mourdock, Smith and Rivard all lost their election bids. Of course, that means it was a good night for the people of the United States of America. Maybe now we can all start treating women like, you know, people.

The Earl of Douchebag

I've celebrated plenty of douchebaggery in this space before. But those idiots were just two-bit pretenders. This is just mind-boggling.

Charlie Fuqua is a lawyer and former Arkansas state legislator running for reelection on the Republican ticket. He is also, it turns out, a big believer in the Biblical practice of dangling the threat of death over children's heads in order to get them to respect their parents. What a guy!
 
According to the Arkansas Times, a passage from Fuqua's book, God's Law: The Only Political Solution, says that though child murder should not be "taken lightly," it could be helpful in the fight against scourges of "rebellious children."

What does one have to do to be considered unfit by Republicans to run for office? It's not like Fuqua, who also favors forced sterilization of nonsupportive parents, wrote, "The death penalty for rebellioius [sic] children is not something to be taken lightly" yesterday. He published this brilliance in April. So is the GOP not supporting Fuqua's candidacy anymore because of his beliefs, or because his beliefs are now widely known? I mean, I would think the vetting process would include having someone halfway literate read the candidate's recent book.

Just sayin.'

Douchebag of the Week

The comedian Rep. Trent Franks, R-Ariz. Gun violence is some funny shit, huh Trent? A fucking comedy gold mine.

Douchebag of the Week

Kanye and Serena, I give you credit for your outstanding efforts, but you picked the wrong week to act like assholes. Our winner, of course, is Joe Wilson (R-SC). Wow, what a fucking douchebag!

Douchebag of the Week

Rep. Lynn Jenkins, R-Kan., who is looking for the GOP's "great white hope" to challenge President Obama.

Douchebag of the Week

Pro-hunger candidate Cynthia Davis, right.
It's only Monday, but we have our "winner." Missouri State Rep. Cynthia Davis, R-19th District. Here's the esteemed legislator pontificating on a food program that provided more than 3.7 million meals to hungry people in her state:

Anyone under 18 can be eligible? Can’t they get a job during the summer by the time they are 16? Hunger can be a positive motivator. What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals? Tip: If you work for McDonald’s, they will feed you for free during your break.

I guess McDonald's is the modern-day equivalent of cake, with the added provision that, in order to get the cake, the hungry peasants must work in a bakery.

Douchebag of the Week

Mark Krikorian, who rages against the "unnatural" pronunciation Judge Sonia Sotomayor's name. Sotomayor, as you know, is President Obama's Supreme Court nominee.

This is typical of the substance of the RWNM attacks against Sotomayor. It's nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to make her seem foreign, different, not "one of us." For the record, the Bronx is not a foreign country, so she's not foreign. But the Right clearly isn't shy about exploiting xenophobia, even fake xenophobia.

And it's also standard operating procedure for the Right: Throw as much shit as possible at the wall, no matter how loony and ridiculous, and see what, if anything, sticks. Something tells me this dipshit's ramblings about dipthongs isn't going to be it.

Douchebag of the Week

Sometimes "douchebag" isn't strong enough a word. This is one of those times.

I give you the douchebag stylings of a real shitheel: Rep. Paul Broun, R-Ga., who used the death of a child from swine flu as an opportunity to rail against illegal immigration.

Of course, it’s sad to see a 23-month-old child die from this disease. We don’t have any specifics. I tried to find out this morning specifics about this child that has died -- whether it was someone who is from Mexico, possibly an illegal alien who has been brought into this country.

One big problem we have in this country is an open border. The border is like a sieve, and so these illegal aliens are coming across, and I think a lot of the health care facilities throughout Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California are going to be overwhelmed by cases coming out of Mexico -- Mexican citizens -- putting a further strain on those facilities. So, I don’t know if this child was a Mexican, or if it was an American child -- what the situation is -- but it was sad that this child died.

Go fuck yourself, congressman.

Douchebag of the Week

Texas Republican state Rep. Betty Brown, bless her heart.

A North Texas legislator during House testimony on voter identification legislation said Asian-descent voters should adopt names that are “easier for Americans to deal with.”

Hey Betty, I think “Betty Brown” is a far too common name and therefore confusing. Plus, I'm not a big fan of the dessert brown betty. So do you think you could go through the bureaucratic aggravation and personal humiliation, and turn your back on your heritage and your forebearers, for my convenience and change your name to something that's easier for me to deal with? You know, something that would make me think of you immediately, like Ignorant Bigot Douchebag?

Douchebag of the Week

Rep. Darrell Issa, a two-time "winner" of douchebag honors.

House Republicans are pressing for a change in federal law that could force Michelle Obama and future first ladies to do more of their policy work in public. But Democrats warn President Obama may take the attempt personally “as an attack on his wife.”

The GOP effort is being led by the ranking member of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.), whose initial salvo was rebuffed recently at a contentious committee markup session. Under Issa’s amendment, any government policy group that Mrs. Obama or another first spouse regularly participates in would be subject to a law requiring meetings to be announced in advance and, in most instances, public.

[...] “We are trying actually to protect the historic role of the first lady,” Issa insisted, repeatedly invoking the “transparency” mantra of the Obama administration. “I believe this is open government at its finest.”

While the economy circles the drain and the nation collapses toward another depression, this is what Republicans are doing -- working on legislation to control the activities of the first lady.

See? They're not just the party of "no." They're also the party of "know your role."

As if we needed more evidence that all their talk about being the party of small government is bullshit.

Douchebag of the Week

Colorado State Sen. Dave Schultheis (R-9th District).

Democrats were outraged Wednesday morning when Republican state Sen. Dave Schultheis said he planned to vote against a bill to require HIV tests for pregnant women because the disease “stems from sexual promiscuity” and he didn’t think the Legislature should “remove the negative consequences that take place from poor behavior and unacceptable behavior.” The Colorado Springs lawmaker then proceeded to cast the lone vote against SB 179, which passed 32-1 and moves on to the House.

Schultheis is the third state legislator from Colorado to receive this honor (see the other two douchebags, including the douchebag who was the inspiration behind this illustrious series and its first "winner" here and here), which makes me wonder: What the fuck is in the water in Colorado?

Douchebag of the Week

Buttars. Republican state senator from Utah.

You'll never guess what the biggest threat to America is. Terrorism? Unsecured nuclear material? Global warming? An expensive, ineffective healthcare system? Nope. It's Teh Gay.

Perhaps the reason Republicans aren't more effective at fighting threats to America is that they can't figure out what the real threats are.

Also, just wondering, but why do conservatives smile so infrequently? Why do their faces look like frown is their default setting?

Douchebag of the Week

Rep. Eric Cantor, R-Va.



I'm glad you think the collapsing economy is funny, douchebag.

Douchebag of the Week

U.S. Rep. Mark Kirk, R-Ill., who offered his view of the conflict in Gaza.

"To misquote Shakespeare, something is rotten in Gaza and now it's time to take out the trash," Kirk said.

Here's hoping that voters in Illinois' 10th District take out the trash in 2010.

UPDATE: The runner-up.


Former head of the Justice Department's voting rights section and class act John Tanner.

Voting Section Chief John Tanner sent an e-mail to Schlozman asking Schlozman to bring coffee for him to a meeting both were scheduled to attend. Schlozman replied asking Tanner how he liked his coffee. Tanner’s response was, “Mary Frances Berry style - black and bitter.” Berry is an African-American who was the Chairperson of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights from November 1993 until late 2004.

Douchebag of the Week

It's been a while, but I think this week's winner deserves to be recognized for his handling of a shooting story: Jim Armstrong of the Faux News Boston affiliate, with "his take" on a shooting at a movie theater in Philadelphia on Christmas Day.

Here's what I've attempted to post to Armstrong's blog in response, in case Boston's Fox25 decides not to publish it:

Your explanatory post above is almost -- ALMOST -- as dumb as your original spin on this story.

Exactly what about a man being shot in front of his family do you find funny? Or was it your idiot editors who told you to give the story this treatment? Given your weak attempt to justify your take (and backpedal slightly) in the blog post above, I think at least some of the blame is yours.

Before you insult your viewers/blog readers by saying you didn’t find the story funny, realize as we do that you could have treated this story as seriously as any other shooting but you chose to treat it as a funny, “oddball” story.

Also, that angle is probably the only reason you covered the story at all. What relevance does a shooting in Philly have to viewers in Boston? According to the FBI, there were 21,180 violent crimes in Philadelphia in 2007, and 22,883 in 2006. How many of those did you cover for the local TV news in Boston? And how many of them made you and your colleagues laugh?

I’ve worked in newsrooms long enough to recognize that some journalists take a certain amount of unspoken pride in being hardened and insensitive to the violent stories they cover, as though they are veterans who “have seen it all” from their post, which is actually much farther from “the action” than they would care to admit. And you let that fantasy trickle out of the newsroom and onto the air.

Insensitivity is neither an admirable nor useful trait in journalists. Or anyone else, for that matter.

It’s no wonder nobody takes TV news seriously anymore. Especially Fox.

Your cavalier take on a story about a violent crime is a disservice to your viewers, the family of the shooting victim and to news organizations in general. I hope you have enough brains to be embarrassed professionally and ashamed personally. You and your station owe your viewers and the victim’s family an apology.

UPDATE: They've decided not to publish my comment on Jimbo's blog. You know, journalistic standards and integrity and stuff.

Douchebag of the Week

It’s only Wednesday, but such mind-boggling douchebaggery demands immediate recogniton. Our champion has raised douchebaggery to an art form.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Louisiana state Rep. John Labruzzo.

Worried that welfare costs are rising as the number of taxpayers declines, state Rep. John LaBruzzo, R-Metairie, said Tuesday he is studying a plan to pay poor women $1,000 to have their Fallopian tubes tied.

[...]

He said his program would be voluntary. It could involve tubal ligation, encouraging other forms of birth control or, to avoid charges of gender discrimination, vasectomies for men.

It also could include tax incentives for college-educated, higher-income people to have more children, he said.

The Republican representative, like all good comedians, is only saying what his supporters are thinking.

However, it is interesting to see a Southern Republican who doesn’t oppose birth control. In some circles, Rep. Douchebag is downright progressive.

Douchebag of the Week

U.S. Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Calif., who backed out of plans to distribute food to Darfur refugees when he learned he couldn’t hunt wildebeest.

Hunter's staff contacted the embassy in N'Djamena, Chad, last week to see whether Hunter could distribute food at a camp. Hunter also wanted to put together an outing to hunt wildebeest and distribute the meat to refugees.

The embassy was decidedly lukewarm. It worried about logistics and the need to divert scarce staff to coordinate Hunter's schedule. There also were concerns about coordinating with the World Food Program's distribution schedule. The embassy sought advice from Foggy Bottom as to what to tell Hunter, a former presidential candidate, who will Congress at the end of this term.

Here's State's response last week: "Talking Points Regarding CODEL [Congressional delegation] Hunter":

· The embassy "welcomes Congressman Hunter's interest in food assistance to Darfur refugees in Chad. Given the significant" U.S. aid in the world program, the embassy "would encourage the congressman to time his visit to coincide with an already scheduled food distribution."

· The embassy will "make the necessary arrangements for" Hunter to watch a food distribution in a camp.

· "Regarding the Congressman's desire to hunt wildebeest and distribute the cured meat to refugees, wildebeest are not present in Chad." (We're told some have been there, mostly in a no-hunting wildlife refuge.)

And, in case Hunter was looking for other game:

· "The Government of Chad does not permit the hunting of large mammals."

Actually, there's not a whole lot of wild game roaming these days near the refugee camps in Chad. It's a desert, and it has been at war for the last few decades. (The wildebeest's annual migration between Kenya and Tanzania is under serious threat from poachers, CNN reported last week.)

Hunter's office called State on Thursday and said he had decided not to go and that he was looking instead at commercial hunting expeditions in Kenya, Tanzania and Southern Africa.

You didn’t think Hunter was really going there just to feed starving refugees, did you? You didn’t think Hunter would still go after learning that he wouldn’t be permitted to kill large animals, did you? You didn‘t think Hunter would do enough research to know there aren’t wildebeest in Chad before trying to arrange a trip there to hunt them, did you?

What a douchebag.

Douchebag of the Week

There is just too much douchebaggery for one week, so we already have next week’s “winner”: Make-pretend journalist Wesley Pruden.

In a June 17 Washington Times column in which he downplayed global climate change by comparing it to other perceived "terrors" that "subsided, done in by reality," Times editor emeritus Wesley Pruden wrote of the AIDS virus: "We were all supposed to be dead now, done in by AIDS, the gift of the gays."

Does that make ignorance the gift of the Washington Times?