Ramirez looks forward to quitting on White Sox

Sports, Onion-style.

After being put on waivers by the Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez said Monday he is looking forward to a fresh start with the Chicago White Sox and eventually quitting on them the way he did before leaving the Dodgers and, before that, the Boston Red Sox.

"I am looking forward to joining the White Sox and helping them in the stretch drive of an exciting pennant race," Ramirez said. "I hope to play just well enough to pressure the team into offering me a contract for next season, when I can think of a new and inventive way of quitting on them."

Ramirez finished a brief stint with the Dodgers by being ejected for arguing balls and strikes after one pitch of a pinch-hitting appearance with the bases loaded against the division rival Colorado Rockies. In similar fashion, Ramirez's seven-year career with the Red Sox unofficially ended when he took three straight strikes in a pinch-hitting appearance against Mariano Rivera in 2008.

"I watched three pitches when I quit on the Red Sox. Three whole pitches," Ramirez said while discussing his ejection Sunday. "This time it only took one pitch to get me out of town. I'm thinking maybe next year I will start arguing with the umpire when I come to the plate or just fake an injury in the on-deck circle.

"It's a new team and a new situation," Ramirez added. "I'm happy to be going to Chicago and plan to do whatever I can to get out of Chicago."