Mitt Romney is an asshole

Russ, Audrey, hop in the family roadster.

Before beginning the drive, Mitt Romney put Seamus, the family's hulking Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon's roof rack. He'd built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog.

The most amazing thing about this rimjob of a story is that when the Mittster pulled over to wash the car after 'ol Seamus shit all over the roof, he wasn't surrounded by cops and arrested for tying a dog to the roof of his car. Well, that and the fact the writers didn't let that derail their wholesome-a-thon. ("He'd built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog." Any chance that "windshield" he "built" was a piece of glass or plastic fastened to the door of the dog carrier?)

His kids called their white woody station wagon "the white whale." Could those bleach-toothed Mormon children have been familiar with "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"?

By the way, I'm pretty sure the picture that accompanies the story is supposed to warm the hearts of the 26 percenters pining for the good old days of Ward, June, Wally and Beaver, but it kinda creeps me out.

Don't say Massachusetts, Mitt. Pretend you're a Texan or something. And try not to torture any animals on the campaign trail, asshole.