Discard

Remember how Bush repeatedly rejected calls by nervous Republicans to shake up his staff and address his plummeting poll numbers? So much for that.

White House chief of staff Andy Card has resigned and will be replaced by budget director Joshua Bolten, President Bush announced Tuesday amid growing calls for a White House shakeup and Republican concern about Bush's tumbling poll ratings.

Card will be replaced by budget director Josh Bolten. Considering the size of the budget deficit, it'll be a good thing for the country to get him out of that job.

As far as this having the intended effect of bolstering Bush's approval ratings, I don't see it happening. Andy Card isn't why Bush is so unpopular.

You want to get serious about unloading an albatross? Fire Cheney. You can say it's for health reasons. That's a perfectly credible cover story, way more believable than saying he wants to spend more time with his lesbian daughter.

Other possible explanations for Cheney's resignation -- and the White House has my permission to use any of these -- include the following:

*Cheney wants to spend more time getting drunk and shooting defenseless birds.

*Cheney wants to spend more time hunting Harry Whittington for sport.

*Cheney wants to enlist in the armed forces, because he believes so much in our mission in Iraq. Sure, he had "other priorities" during the Vietnam War, but this time he's ready to contribute.

*Cheney wants to spend more time playing "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City." After all, the company went to the trouble of naming the game after him, so the least he can do is help out Tommy Vercetti.

*Cheney wants to spend more time working on that elusive third DUI conviction. He's so tired of Bush's bragging about having been arrested more times.

*Cheney wants to spend more time securing no-bid government contracts and creating offshore tax havens for Halliburton.

*Cheney wants to get a job as a lobbyist. After all, that's where the real money is, right Jack?

*Cheney wants to spend more time following through on votes he cast as a senator by repealing the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, putting Nelson Mandela back in prison and dismantling the federal Department of Education.

*Cheney wants to spend more time outing undercover CIA personnel.

*Cheney wants to spend more time telling senate Democrats to go fuck themselves.